Our Saga
by hobbit-elvears
Summary: Kidnapped Hogwarts Children, Sliding Through Portal Holes, Destroying The Stargate, and Rampaging Middle Earth (and their inhabitants) are all things you can expect from this story now, and in the future.


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Chapter I

Scenario: Vanessa is at home writing vigorously in a large BLUE spiral (for those that don't know, BLUE is the color of binder/spiral that she keeps her naughty stories in, so there!). After a couple of minutes, she pauses, picks up the phone and dials Vincent's #.

Here are a few helpful shortcuts to help you know who is speaking:

Vanessa-Va

Vinny-Vi

Brittany-B

Gimli-G

A Pale Man W/A Small Nose-MJ

Draco Malfoy-DM

Hobo-H (Va-*H is for Super HOT*, B-yeah, Fire HOT!, Vi-Okay, we get it! Enough)

Va-Vinny! pick up Brittany and get over here! I NEEDyall!

Vi-Why do you need us to come over?

Va- Just because, don't ask questions. Just hurry up 'K'? *hangs up*

Vinny and Brittany are speeding through the water-clogged streets and it is raining so hard that it is nearly impossible to see anything at all.

B-Good thing this Tahoe is so high from the ground or we wouldn't have made it this far.

Vi-Yeah, and is it just me or is it getting worse every minute?

B-Then why don't you just pull over and we'll call Vanessa?

Vi-No, it's okay. Besides, she sounded like something was really wrong…she might be in trouble or near death or something like that…it is Vanessa!

B-Pull over now or we're going to die!

Vi-No, we'll be fine, besides I can see great.

B-Riiigghht…PULL OVER!!…NOW!!

Vi-Fine!! Good lord.

A loud THUNK is heard as Vinny slams on the brakes to avoid any further damage from his precious Tahoe (my baby *emotional*)

B-OMG! We ran over something!

Vi-*worriedly* gee, I wonder what gave you that idea.

They get out to check to see what is was. Outside there is a hot, rangers looking hobo. He's jumping up and down and pointing to an old K-Mart kart, which is lodged beneath the jacked-up truck.

H-My cart! My beautiful cart!!

Vi-Are you okay?

H-Yeah, but my lovely cart!

B-Vinny get the cart for the hobo. It's obviously precious to him!

H-Oh, it's okay. I can always go get a new one. I need to upgrade anyways, those new carts have cup holders and stuff.

Vi-Whatever. *he pulls the cart out from under the Tahoe and tosses it aside*

H-Hey! At least let me gather what is left of my life out of there. *he stands the dented cart up and starts gathering his things and packing it neatly into his bag along with his radio and tin cans*

Vi-Okay then, can we go? I'm getting soaked out here…come on, he's fine…you can see that, I can see that, so LET'S GO!

B-*staring at the Hobo's firm butt in a daze* …yeah, I know…I mean…what did you say?

Vi-Let's go!!

H-Beware, for there be youngsters in a basement…Beware the wicked witch!!

Vi-*confused* Huh?

B-Whoa, what did you say?

H-I didn't say anything.

B-Yeah you did…something about the kids in the basement.

H-What are you talking about? *sarcastically*

Vi-Whatever!!*yelling*Let's just go already!!

B-Okay, *turns toward Hobo with affection(the kind where she just wants to jump all over him in lust)*will you be okay?

H-Yeah I'll be fine.

Vi-*already in the car with the passenger window down* I'm leaving!

B-Fine!!

Brittany gets in and they start to leave but not before Brittany turns around to grope the window and stare at the Hobo she so preciously fell in love with.

Vi-OMG, he must be Looney or something.

B-Shut up! He's not crazy, he's probably stressed out after having a big @$$ Tahoe almost run over him. *Sympathetically*

Vi-Well you're the one that wanted me to pull over in the first place!

B-*trying to change the subject* Hey, you just passed the entrance to her neighborhood.

Vi-I'm going the back way, the main road floods bad.

They pull up to Vanessa's house and see the windows of her van have cardboard inside them.

Vi-Why are her window covered up?

B-I don't know. She does have 12 kids, maybe she's ashamed of being seen with them.

Vi-I would say it would be the other way around.

They pull in next to the van and quickly run to the front door for it is still raining. Suddenly the door opens.

Va-Ohh, I've been waiting for you, what took you so long?

Vi-She made me pull over because of the rain, and then *glares angrily at Brittany* we hit a K-Mart CART!

B-Yeah, but that guy was hot!

Vi-And I probably have a huge dent now!

Va-Stop it! Come with me *she leads them into the kitchen and along the way, sets her blue spiral on the entrance table by the panoramic picture of the twelve kids and Vanessa with Gimli in the middle.

Vi-So what's the big urgency?

Va-I must find the stargate! I need to get to Middle Earth!

B-OOKAAY! Right well, what are we supposed to do about it? *winks at Vanessa when Vinny isn't looking*

Va-*winks back* Vinny, come with me to the basement! Brittany, make sure no kids come down here.

B-Whatever *and she sits down at the table*

At this moment Gimli walks in. Being and incredibly jealous dwarf, he sees Vinny and charges at him.

G-Get away from her! GRRRR!

Gimli tackles Vincent and Vanessa tries to pull him off.

Va-Sweetie! Honey! Stop It!

Mysteriously Soft Femmy Voice-Hey Guys!

Everyone turns around; standing in the open doorway, is da da da! MJ!

MJ-I was wondering if there was any kids here? My senses are just tingling! *gayish femmy*

Va-Yeah! In the basement is free game.

MJ-Yeah!! *does a happy/skippy dance while clapping his hands*

MJ runs off to "meet" the children in the basement. The basement door closes and Vincent pulls out from under Gimli and Brittany gets off of the floor and stands up the chair that she fell out of when MJ bust in.

B-Are you crazy?! *looking at Vanessa Confused*

Va-What? *confused*

G-Duh! You just let MJ into our home.

Vi-And why are there children in the basement?

Va-Well…that's why…*cut off by Gimli*

G-We're leaving! We will eventually be back in a week or so. By the way, I'm taking the van, twelve kids don't exactly fit in a truck, so here are the keys to the truck…if it works.

Va-Wwwwhhhhyyy? Don't leave!

G-I told you that if you went threw with this that we were gonna leave. I don't wanna be here when the FBI arrives and arrests you!

Va-OHH Fine!

G-*walks away but not before turning around to say something* Oh and I've got my eye on you! *Glaring at Vinny*

Gimli leaves the room and head upstairs to gather kids.

Va-Come on now, let's go to the basement.

Vincent and Vanessa open the basement door next to the refridgerator and go down the stairs to the basement. On the way down, Vanessa hits her head on a pipe running across the stairs at her height but Vinny manages to duck in time. In the basement is crates and crates of VEGIMITE and crackers. On the opposite wall is a door that looked like it came from a vault and is partly open.

Vi-Wow, that door is heavy duty.

Va-Yeah, I can't get it to lock properly and…

Vi-*whispering* Wait…I hear something.

Va-What? *Confused*

Vi-Ssshhh!!!

In the room behind the door they can hear…

MJ-Come on…I just want you to *bust into song* be my thriller!!

DM-No! Stop it you white…I mean black…you FREIK!!

Vi-Hurry *runs into room with Vanessa close behind* Hey what is all this?

MJ-Nothing, just a little fun *girlish*

Va-How about not! *she reaches for the extra tether and puts it on MJ.

MJ-Oooh, how kinky.

Va-Get over it, I don't like you.

MJ-No, I mean me and all these kids, just tethered up…it just tickles me all over!!

Mean while, Vinny is looking around at the boy (who almost got raped) and all the others sleeping on the floor and a white owl in a cage in the corner.

Vi-Wait just one minute here! I need to talk to you outside…NOW!

Va-Okay, you guys stay in here and don't go anywhere…Oh wait, you can't…Hahahahaha!!

MJ-Well you don't have to worry about that.

Vi-Whatever *pushes door to as they walk out.

Va-What did you want?

Vi-I thought those was your kids, but it looks like those are the Hogwarts kids that you hear about and they are locked up too. Why did you want us here, to see these kids locked up? *Almost yelling*

Va-Well I brought you here to fix my door, they keep walking out here and stealing my Vegemite and crackers and I don't know how to tie a knot or I'd shorten their tethers.

Vi-Well, that still doesn't explain why you even have tethered children in your basement. *Sarcastically*

Va- Well you see…uh…They're my brother's…kid's…Yeah! My brother's kid is babysitting them and he…um…went…out for milk! They also have…um…this disorder, explain enough?

Vi-No, because I know you only have a sister and…

A loud shrieking scream is heard from upstairs (sorta like when you scratch a chalkboard)

Va-Uh Oh

Vi-Whatja do now?

You will have to read Chapter Two in order to see what happens next.

Va-Read? *confused*


End file.
